Do you tell yourself, 'I will be happy later'? Perhaps we tell ourselves that delaying our happiness is just part of being an adult. We know it's important take time to play guitar, or paint, or read, walk the dog, enjoy nature, meditate, connect with others, but we put it off until life is calmer. (For instance, friends tell me they can't do yoga because they aren't flexible, as if being flexible was the prerequisite to enjoying the benefits of yoga or being 'good at yoga', and in some different future they can start yoga when these conditions of already being flexible are met.)
We say that happiness will arrive when the conditions for happiness are right such as when we have more money, when we are living in different way, (are more flexible) or have moved to a different place. Our happiness always seems to be a dream in a distant well planned future. We tell ourselves, 'I want to take the time to build a better relationship with myself but I'll do it later, like next year, or in five years, or in retirement' You see what I mean?
How do we know that there will be a later? I assume that later is always coming, and I catch myself dreaming about how it is going to arrive with exactly the right elements to make me happy. Like an alternate reality on autoplay in my mind. There is a belief that the more I play this dream the more likely it will be to actually happen. It's an internal monologue telling me winning the lottery of life is still possible. Like playing background music to my life, I switch on this daydream to make the present more acceptable.
It's is only when later turns into an unwanted now, when some painful experience or loss happens that I realise later is not coming, and it is not coming in the shape or form that I would hope. That the inner confidence I often feel to build a life I want is actually a bitter sweet day dream and that life is actually passing me by. The loss of the dream of my happy future is painful and escaping or avoiding the painful present is all I want to do. Many people either drunk, use drugs, over-eat or over-exercise, over-work or have brief sexual encounters to deal with these overwhelming feelings.
Manifesting a future worthy of dreaming about is a serious practice for many people. Spiritual people often place their reputation on the altar of manifestation. To be able to manifest a much wanted and beloved life is seen as a great spiritual achievement only allocated to a rare few, which makes it incredibly valuable. And for so many of us trying to manifest a particular kind of life is something we spend years trying to perfect. But is this really living? Or is this really saying that I only find a particular kind of life of value. When I think in this way it seems to me living is incredibly hard, while life and the awesomeness of being alive escapes me and I am left a little like an empty shell desiring something that is not here.
While working in mental health I often gave away my essential energy in the face of so many people's needs or put up a wall if I couldn't cope emotionally and turned cold. But there is a middle path which is neither taking action nor shutting down and this middle path that was recommended by the Buddha is called deep listening, or compassionate listening.
Thich Nhat Hahn says, 'compassionate listening, or deep listening can help end the suffering of an individual, put an end to war and change the world for the better.' Deep listening of the present moment can bring about a deep happiness in the here and now that doesn't require waiting for a longed for future. Deep listening to yourself, others and this moment of your life doesn't require any prerequisites or manifested conditions to be so helpful in being happy now. All that deep listening requires is that we become more aware of the inherent goodness in this very moment.
The great promise of the Buddha and the Noble Eight Fold Path is that it is possible to transform suffering into wisdom which leads to personal freedom and true happiness now. For me when the Buddha talked about Right Understanding, Right Thought, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Mindfulness, Right Concentration he is not talking about a moralistic 'right'. He is talking about anything that leads to the transformation of suffering into wisdom is considered to be 'right'. This is the kind of 'right' that leads one back to the present moment and it's inherent goodness. And I also think this is what the heart of recovery is. Recovery is the promise of transformation of pain into wisdom. You can create something small that over time can be transcendent, something that can change the course of a life. Something I've been looking into lately is Mudita which is said to generate radiant joy.
Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg defines mudita as “the pleasure that comes from delighting in other people’s well-being.” Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche says, “When you rejoice, you really feel like you have a richness inside. Your good heart sustains your mind.” You can become aware by deeply listening to the inherent goodness in other people, within yourself or in the present moment and the environment around you, all of which brings a deep joy and happiness now.
Living can be very challenging but there are also moments where we can rejoice in the wellbeing around us and generate our own happiness so easily. Don't wait for a distant future to make you happy. Be happy now...Namaste'
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