Last week I had a trigger, and it was just awful. Sometimes when I am spiritually well I can watch a trigger play out without getting involved in it. But this time I was already tired. I hadn't slept properly in days and I felt someone disrespected me and treated me unjustly. I was worn through with worry about covid, relationship issues, finances, in the middle of a house renovation, and grief about the death of my dog. Having all these balls in the air just tests my resilience, and sometimes I break open. In breaking open I am honest, raw, protective and vocal. And because I have PTSD there is a second story playing out in my nervous system at the same time.
I have to tell you a deep secret story. A story I have only told one other person. When I was about 11 or 12, we lived in Brisbane and our neighbour was a cop. My Dad used to belt us with a strap or thong and backhand us across the face until we fell down. I prayed and wished that our lovely neighbour cop would come over to our house and arrest my Dad and stop him from hitting us. My sense of injustice was so etched in my heart and mind.
My neighbour never came to stop my Dad. Nobody came to protect me. So this story is playing out in my nervous system whenever I'm triggered. I can be cooking dinner but be a traumatised little kid at the same time. I can be at work and taking care of some little task and defending myself from his belittling way he spoke to me. And my sense of injustice is just as strong today as it was then if not more so.
This is where yoga and mediation comes in. Meditation and yoga give us a break from the ongoing trauma stories stored in the nervous system. How? By working directly with the vagus nerve. The Vagus nerve is the mind-body connection, and there is such a beautiful practice in yoga and meditation to become skilled in its manipulation. Once the Vagus Nerve is regularly toned you will find resilience to your triggers no problem, but like an athlete almost you have to stay in peak mental and emotional rediness to not touch or pick up the trigger when it arises.
Sometimes I can maintain the witness awareness, but not this time. 'One way to get free of attachment is to cultivate the witness consciousness, to become a neutral observer of your own life.' Ram Dass. This trigger is a humbling reminder of what PTSD really is. Its the invisible disability. People cannot tell you have it, until they see you overreact. The reaction isn't in real time, its in accumulative time. Its an accumulation of all the times you felt disprespected going back to childhood. Its all the times you had no power, and the moment when you do. Its all the things you've held in that have made you scared and broken, coming to the surface of your mind and exploding in your chest. Its like trying to tame a tornado.
The following practices are working for me...
Sheetali & Ujjiah Breath - I really recommend this breath for over-stimulation, you will find it a very practical combination breath for overwhelm. Please check out my blog on Paranayama for Mental Wellbeing for an explanation of these breaths.
Standing postures for groundedness Anjaniasana - High Lunge - Warrior 1
To open the hips, strengthen the legs and lift the kundalini energy in to the solar plexus chakra. This chakra can bring a stronger sense of self-acceptance, and dampen self-hatred.
Chanting - Om Mani Padme Hung - it means, 'the jewel is in the lotus'. Many Buddhists believe that this mantra has the, 'power to purify the mind and help you cultivate inner wisdom.'
Teaching classes and my private practice saves me each class and every moment I practice is a moment of peace, free of mental health symptoms. Because something I've noticed is I don't have mental health symptoms while I am practicing yoga or meditation, or chanting. Isn't that interesting? Have you also noticed this?
See you in class...
In kindness,
Kyla
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