I have a beautiful friend, who is dealing with some life stuff at the moment. And I want to say so many things to her about how amazing she is and loving, and loveable.
I want to tell her that sometimes, if we've been hurt we think that, we aren't loveable anymore. And not only do we believe that, we think everyone can see that we aren't loveable. We feel like people can tell that we're broken. And that as soon as they find out, we'll be exposed and our world will end. I want to ask her if she thinks this as well, and if she believes it's actually true?
I heard Sadhguru describe an unbalanced mind as someone who had swallowed bad food, that had made them sick. And he suggested the this person spit the mental food out. But that's the trick isn't it. To find the bit of bad mental food, and remove the poison from our psyche, and maybe, just maybe become a happier more peaceful person. I think, this is essentially what psychological counselling aims to achieve. That's why we go to therapy and try to dig through our past lives, to find and try to cut out the pain.
What if the bit of bad mental food, is a mistake we've made? A mistake in joining the experience of hurt to our ability to love? That is, you've been hurt and because you've been hurt somehow your love meter is damaged. And we spend a lot of energy trying to hide that fact that we're hurt and damaged.
You tell yourself because you've been hurt it's okay to be more selective about who you love and how you love and how loveable you believe yourself, and possibly others to be. That's it's okay because you've been hurt to to protect yourself, to pre-empt pain. This seems to be the way I think about it. And I wonder if she does too?
Ram Dass would say to, 'treat pain lovingly.' Which makes tears roll down my face, because it's so hard to do. But rather than do that we brand ourselves so harshly as love-defective. Being hurt and being love-defective may just be a thought that we've decided to believe. And I wonder what it would be like not to believe in it anymore?
' The fear of suffering, is self-inflicted.' Sadhguru says and it's so true for me, that it hurts and I want to punch him through the tv screen. I can't exactly tell you when I became afraid of suffering, probably long ago because it is there.The fear of suffering, tells me its okay to categorise people into worthy of love and not worthy, and also people who are worthy of loving me and those who are not. (I'm basically an asshole!!)
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But what if it's a serous mistake to join past hurts with our present capacity for love. What if that thought is seriously put under the spot light, because I have a feeling, it's completely bullshit. I want to tell my friend don't believe it, don't swallow that mental poison, spit it out immediately. Because I want to see her happy, and open to love and living her best life. Because I want those things for myself as well...
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