'The best retreat is to retreat from the past, and from the future and live fully in the present moment.'
Going into a retreat is actually pretty exciting. Getting prepared to dive deep into the practices that you value can feel like going on a very special holiday. A meditation retreat is like a holiday for your mind, the best holiday you've ever had. But just like travelling internationally there are times when you feel right outside your comfort zone and don't yet know the language to describe the journey you are on. This is one of the reasons why it's good to retreat with other practitioners and a teacher that you respect.
If you are a bit of a maverick like me. I really enjoy to retreat alone. But it has taken me many years of practice to retreat confidently on my own, and I still very heavily rely on the teachings of my spiritual guides. I don't change any of my practices on retreat. I continue to do the work I have been doing, just in a deeper and more sustained way. To retreat for 10 days you need 'strong determination' to commit to the length of the retreat. Making this commitment, you will also need to stay aware and calm throughout the retreat as if you are the teacher yourself. This is strong inner work, the inner guru is guiding you and afterwards you will have built your inner confidence and self-worth like never before.
You will also need to allow a natural flow to progress throughout the retreat. Each retreat is different, no two are the same. As you practice, the mind/body construct will release some physical/mental tension, trauma, mental health issue, or intense physical sensations for you to work through for the duration of the retreat. This is not something you choose, but rather something to allow to come to the surface. I let this process happen very naturally, mostly because healing and recovery is a very natural process that blossoms in the right environment, such as a silent retreat.
On this retreat, soft tissue trauma that I sustained in a car accident in 1986 decided to come to the surface for love and healing, and ultimately the physical sensation of tension released, along with many tears and the body/mind came to a place of deep acceptance and healing. This is the core work this retreat was about for me. I can talk about it afterwards but at the time I was watching this sensation come to the surface, not realising how long I had been holding onto this tension for. This sensation was rigid, heavy, hot, tight, restrictive, and pulsing. Over time the sensation divided, dispursed and eventually disintergrated and the body/mind came to a deeper place of peace. Which was very beautiful and I basked in that place for the last few days of retreat.
(2013 - Myanmar - Webu Sayadaw's Hut. Webu Sayadaw (1896 - 1977) was considered to be enlightened and I meditated in his meditation hut for 4 days. His hut had the most peaceful vibrations I have ever felt)
Coming out of retreat is a different journey all together. You would be surprised how little time you need to spend away from your life to get a new perspective of it. When you come back to the world and your day to day, you will see your life with new clarity. Which can be quite confronting. You will see the reasons why you eat, sleep, communicate, love, resent and generally behave the way that you do. And you get to choose these behaviours all over again, or end them and choose differently. You are not trapped by your life, (there is real freedom there), but you may be surprised why you choose to do some of the things you do.
Then you will need a lot of forgiveness, self-forgiveness becomes crucial. You realise you're not enlightened, and the self-judgement/disappointment can become very heavy. Self-forgiveness, staying calm and practicing equanimity is so important after a retreat. You will see the mistakes you make, and why you make them very clearly. But there is no reason for depression or defeat, but humility and self-acceptance will ease the pathway back to everyday living. It's humbling, and ultimately so joyful. Maybe next year, you may choose to retreat with me...
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